Wednesday, October 13, 2010

GAME that ur not really sure why you watched. OF THE WEEK

Bears v Panthers
I know why I watched. I thought there was the offchance Todd Collins would get killed playing quarterback. The setup was there. Todd Collins old brittle bones could snap at any minute and he was playing center behind a line that is criminally negligent at its job. Instead I watched two mediocres struggle with the concept of the forward pass like it was 1905. Sure Peppers had an interception and that was pretty sweet but if Jimmy Clausen threw it that means it doesnt count.

GAME of the WEEK (week 5)

Vikings v Jets
This game had everything. It had Randy Moss. It had Brett Favre throwing a flurry of interceptions. It had a penis heavy backstory. Emotions and erections everywhere!! The Jets thoroughly handled what proved to be an otherwise boring game. Sure Brett Favre threw his 500th td pass and ESPN unveiled there retarded birthday record banner or whatever the hell that was. But Favre also broke Warren Moons record for career fumbles. The sports world may have chosen to ingore this milestone of failure but even in a week where Brett Favre had his package embarassingly revealed to the western world i still revel in whatever anti Favre news i can get.

What Brett Favres penis means for you

Who hasnt taken pictures of their penis? If you said no your either a girl, a liar, or amish(they have to stencil images of their penis and mail it to girls) But texting said pictures is often ill advised. Regrettably very few girls are thrown instantly into a sexual fervor after viewing a pixilated shot of your cock. Poor lighting and crappy cellphone cameras dont make for the most artful representations of your penis. (if your black ignore all that advice) But of course this isnt just any old junk were talking about. This is Brett Favres junk. Thats some good ol fashioned, down home, wrangler jean encased, mississippi good ol boy penis and testicle combo.

(thats a gutsy veteran cock text)
That said this whole incident is so delightful because of the shockwaves it sent through the cholsetrol clogged hearts of fat fuck Brett Favre admirers everywhere. Madden locked himself in his room and wont come out. Peter King is catatonic, and Jon Gruden... Well lets just ask him

"THIS GUY right here. Brett Favre. hes got COCK DISCIPLINE. im gonna call him the dickanator. If your gonna have a quaterback send pictures of his penis to a girl you need the dickanator under center. Ill say it again, If your gonna send pictures of your cock in the NATIONAL. FOOTBALL. LEAGUE. you need to send pictures of your cock WHEN. IT. COUNTS.


A big NFL chucles apologies for the total lack of content over the last two weeks. Google adsense shut down the account because of tax info or some shit. And i dont do this for fun. I write this because of the money. Dont let anyone kid you theres MILLIONS in internet nfl comedy. So to make up for all this heres a link to the Brett Favre penis pics:

Friday, October 1, 2010

Archaeologists discover George Blanda is dead

(that skeleton loved to compete)

Monday Night Football:Oh cruel fate, what sadness is this! Here on the greatest of football nights we were given the most terrible of news.  Everyone who did not already assume George Blanda has been dead for decades was SHOCKED to discover that the hall of famer had passed away . In between plays, mourning NFL fans were subjected to highlights we had never seen of the man we had never heard of throwing to white receivers who weren't Wes Welker(playing in the days when racism was essential part of the game took GRIT).  In a graceful eulogy Steve Young and other analysts who had never met Blanda assured us of his various cliche like intangibles. for example i would never have guessed that Blanda "Loved to win" or that he was a "real competitor" Both of which were things i doubted before ESPN's loving coverage. When I hear punks talking about how Blanda hatted winning and displayed a general indifference to the sport I will correct them. Also it seems fair to equate the Packers jizzing all over themselves with penalties to them being haunted by the vengeful spirit of George Blanda. If that wasn't it then they really really suck.


Welcome to the first ever post of NFL chuckles. Before we bring you the posts of week 3 and 4 We would like to catch up on the first few weeks of the NFL and the pre season. All things that would have been posted earlier but we did not set the site up till know due to contractual difficulties (hookers made of candy are apparently an "unfeasible request") Clearly it is no longer the preseason and many questions have been answered. Some of the statements made here have long since been proven wrong, but hey I’m selectively clairvoyant. So although this news might be outdated we'll be damned if were gonna update it. Matt Leinart references will abound. Now irrelevant questions like Kolb’s escapability will be analyzed. So sit back and be transported to a magical time. Its four weeks ago! Your fantasy team hadn’t lost yet, we were all optimistic about Dallas, and I wasn’t actively planning to kill Ladainian Tomlinson for my making my second draft pick irrelevant.


The Patriots- it seems every year people like to pick against the Patriots. I know we all hate them but you have to respect there evil magical abilities. It doesn’t matter who the pats lose they will always find more souls for Belichick to harvest and make into a football playing monsters. I have every reason to believe that the Patriots will once again win this division. I know the jets and Bengal are good. I just think New England has shown to be too consistent to pick against.
-          Sure Wes Welker's ACL is busted but the collective homo erotic will power of sports writers everywhere should bring him back to playing form. Worked with Favre.

New York Jets- The Jets seem to be universally admired by everyone this year. This is confusing as normally anything sports related coming out of New York causes me irrational anger, but the Jets are really that likable. Rex Ryan is the kind of coach who reminds you of your uncle. If your  uncle was an excessively large man with a good sense of humor and coached a professional football team (if that’s a description of your uncle congratulations because your uncle is Rex Ryan)Mark Sanchez leads the offense(at least from when he gets the snap until he hands it off) I think Sanchez will avoid a sophomore slump because you can only mess up handing the ball off 45 times a game so much.  The Defense will of course dominate, and I assume Revis will be back. The Jets need that shutdown corner and Revis needs money for food and shelter. They’ll make up.
-When Braylon Edwards is your top receiver you find reasons to run the ball.

The Buffalo Bills:
In recent memory the Bills have really sucked. I don’t see that they have really done anything to change that. The defense is decent at home and the offense is really just a prime example of mediocrity.  Lee Evans is a good deep threat receiver but he can’t throw the ball to himself. That ability is reserved to the Breesus’s of the world.
-Cheer up Buffalo, hockey seasons not too far away!

Miami Dolphins:
The Dolphins are a professional football team located in Miami Florida. NO OTHER TEAM IN THE WORLD CAN SAY THAT ! think about it.