Denver Broncos: The Broncos traded up to draft their one true savior, and this year Tim Tebow arrived on a cloud of pure abstinence to uplift Denver and smite their enemies. He’s not starting and the qb situation in Denver is well established so what hes gonna do I'm not sure exactly. But you can bet it wont involve sex. But seriously while the Tebow thing is funny and just makes Josh McDaniel's look like more of a douche, Veteran do-ok’er kyle Orton is leading the Broncos on offense with a solid defense behind him. We all remember there early 8-0 run and who can forget McDaniels fist pumping his way down the sidelines like an assholehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vIOBUFRVkg. But Barring Tebow summoning a horde of angels on game day the Broncos can expect an ok season but will surely finish behind the Chargers
- Orton's dad never took the time teach his son how to shave. That should make you sad
Kansas city Chiefs: Matt Cassel and the chiefs are not really a force to be reckoned with but they do have a few curiosities about them. For example, what are Cassel and the offense capable in there second year together? There were high expectations for Cassel but he had no support around him. They won a few games down the stretch that would make you expect some more out of the team this year. Some players at the skill positions have shown some potential and there is the possibility that this team might be interesting this year. But the defense is nothing special and call me a apart from the chance to beat the raiders twice there is no real reason for the chiefs not to kill themselves.
-the Chiefs Raiders rivalry is considered one of the most heated in football. Well maybe. I don’t watch this game and I don’t think anyone else does either.
The Chargers: Led by world class douche bag Phillip Rivers the Chargers will try once again to fulfill their organizational destiny. Hilariously disappointing playoff losses. But there annoying faux-hick fuck face of a quarterback aside this has been a fun team as of late. The offense is exciting even without Vincent Jackson. and the defense has been more than enough to lock up four straight divisional titles. And they avoid winning in the playoffs only because I imagine they want to keep the edge and motivation only losing can provide. The chargers will probably decline slightly this year. Vincent Jackson refuses to play until his demands are met. Sources close to NFL chuckles state he has placed his desired salary at a krillions billions dollars. The Chargers insistence that such a number does not exist have fallen on deaf ears. But there are so many targets on this team and Antonio Gates alone, being the genetic mistake that he is, could probably carry this team by himself. There is no real threat to the Chargers in this division and they win it. Just maybe with the Broncos a little closer than usual.
-Phillips Rivers is like Hitler only worse
-Rookie running back Ryan Matthews looks great as L.T.’s replacement. But if hes not gonna wear the visor, then fuck him.
(Al Davis and family)
Oakland Raiders: This year the team from the city that gave us the black panthers , poverty, and something to make San Francisco feel better about itself will try to compete in a meaningful way. The first step was to let go of Jamarcus Rusell and put someone behind center who can wrap their mind around the concept of the forward pass. Not to say that Al Davis doesn’t have some other retarded scheme up his old scary sleeves. I'm not going to pretend to know the raiders draft picks, but I would find it hard to believe Al Davis has let go of his ‘draft players based solely on their 40 time’ policy. So don’t be surprised If you see a jack rabbit wearing the silver and black on Sunday(makes more sense than Russel). The Raiders won’t be quite as bad this year, but they will still suck. Just to a lesser degree. AND THAT’S BIG NEWS IN OAKLAND
-Just because I've never been to Oakland doesn’t make me any less right when I say it sucks.
-Unless there fans are gonna riot this team shouldn’t get much attention this year. But I'm not sure there has been anything left to destroy in Oakland since the 80's so that seems pretty unlikely.