Friday, October 1, 2010
PRESEASON breakdown EXPLOSION NFC north
Chicago Bears: We live in a modern, fast paced, heartless world. Gone are the years when decent hard working people really cared about each other and looked out for one another. There are very few things left in this country that are good and pure. The way i count it three: Church, amputee porn, and Jay Cutler. Would it be an exaggeration to say that Jay Cutler is the greatest thing to happen to the NFL and to a larger extent America in the last decade? Probably (but it has been a pretty shitty decade). Jay Cutler's combination of mopey good looks, diabetes and ability to throw an pass interference penalty(lol packers. For the record i came back and changed this) make for one hell of a model American and exceptional Quarterback. Of course success this year will depend on having an offensive line that isn't intent on murdering him. I recommend the Bears shake up a unit that seems to consist of several turn style doors and Olin Kreutz. Also Mike Martz will in all likelihood have Jay Cutler throwing mostly 18 step drops which does not help his life expectancy. If Matt Forte can regain the flash he had in his rookie year the offense could be interesting. On defense Chicago has to hope Urlacher hasn't lost a step and can help this once elite unit return to form.
-Im not saying i would want Jay Cutler to rape me. I just wouldn't scream that loud.
-Its not gay. Its Jay Cutler.
- I guess its pretty gay.
Green Bay Packers:
The Packers look good this year. Very good. This is bad news for the rest of the NFC north and western civilization as a whole. A championship caliber Packers team will just breed more of the over dairied loud mouth Wisconsin fucks i hate so dearly. But from and unbiased perspective this seems like a team bound for the Superbowl. The reasonable thing for non Packers fans to do is pray for their team plane to crash. I do it every night.
-The fact that Aaron Rodgers makes it so hard to find something to hate about him is the most infuriating thing of all.
Normally any discussion about the Lions consists of large doses of pity and laughter. I might end up totally regretting this but i think the Lions actually have the potential to be pretty good this year. Matthew Stafford matured well over his rookie year and the Lions have surrounded him with some very good weapons. Calvin Johnson is arguably the most talented receiver in the NFL. Jahvid Best seems like he could really deliver at the running back position. Of course the defense sucks, but at worst the Lions should produce some interesting high scoring games.
-Writing this made me feel strange and dirty.
I don't know about everyone else but to me Favre coming back every year has its upsides. On the one hand more Favre means more infuriating wins and sports analysts jerking themselves off over how much of a "true competitor Favre is". But you also have to consider that Favre returning for another year means more chances for Favre to be potentially killed on the field. Or maybe he will throw another season ending interception, and we cannot forget that Brett Favre wrangler commercials are sthe single greatest medium of entertainment on the planet. Maybe thats just me. I am an optimist and I think that the Vikings will see a definite drop off this year. The Vikings run last year is not one of those things that happens very often. Like a World War or an epidemic. Hopefully this is finally the year nature claims its cruelest mistake.
-There are other players on the Vikings. I just don't hate them as much